Tag Archives: Berlin

Berlin School of Creative Leadership: «Bill Roedy’s President’s Lecture»

23 Nov

The last time we took a deep look over Berlin’s river Spree our eyes were introduced to a swan’s pair of blue frozen feet which we recognised as a clear evidence that the incredible creative Chuck Porter must have been – somewhere somehow – around, which in fact, he was.

This time we are not sure what the visual scenery (shown above) wants to let us know; but since we take Bill Roedy’s advice to never ever give in seriously we are quite confident that we will be figuring it out – someday somewhere somehow.

Our staff photographer Andreas Baier recently downloaded a new set of digital oil brushes from the internet, so almost everything and everybody is going to be touched with them – even some originally good tasty looking sandwiches. Our readers are cordially invited to make the most out of this situation.

There we go: Honouring Bill Roedy’s exceptional career which is based on two remarkable cornerstones (Military and MTV), our staff-photographer felt responsible to melt down both aspects to one music-clip-lookalike-look.

In general: The creation of this visual language happens to be with all the respect he could pay him and MTV remembering quite well that MTV EUROPE was the only TV-channel that was willing to screen his commercial for a fictional funeral company named «Mr. Sandman’s Finest Funerals» Andreas Baier once was desperate to compete in Cannes with.

Picture above: Two members of the German Designer’s Club’s (DDC) executive board: Niko Gültig and Michel Eibes. Recommended music track: Modest Mussorgsky’s «Pictures At An Exhibition»

Right from the start the Berlin School of Creative Leadership’s President’s Lectures enjoyed the status of a never ever to be missed event.

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The president of the Berlin School of Creative Leadership, Michael Conrad, introduces Bill Roedy and, of course, his book «What Makes Business Rock» as well.

Roedy’s book details his experience in expanding a corporation and gives advice to executives and aspiring executives in creative companies.

Clark Parsons and Michael Conrad.

The managing director of the Berlin School of Creative Leadership, Clark Parsons, introduces each Participant of the Berlin School’s MBA-program to the audience. As a matter of fact, they literally come from allover the world.

As Bill Roedy will say a little bit later: «I am convinced that it is always possible to teach execellent creatives the secrets of financial business habits as it is impossible turning brilliant financial experts into creative directors».

After an impressive introduction, Michael Conrad hands over the microphone to Bill Roedy in order to clear the way for his president’s lecture.

As the Berlin School of Creative Leadership Class 11 Godfather, Bill Roedy brings with him a wealth of experience and educational inspiration. Roedy was most recently Chairman and Chief Executive of MTV Networks International (MTVNI).

A dedicated internationalist and music lover, Roedy was the architect of MTVNI’s successful localization model, which empowered the local operations to embrace both commercial and artistic autonomy, while finding the right balance between local and international content.

By the Milky Way, Bill Roedy finds: «These are sneakers with a huge whow-factor».

Bill Roedy’s sneakers come along with a huge kick-down-and-go-for-it-factor.

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It is Roedy’s pioneering strategy of respecting and reflecting audience diversity through local language, music and fashion that led to MTV Networks’ rapid global expansion – throughout Asia-Pacific, Europe, Africa, the Middle East and Latin America.

Under Roedy’s leadership, MTVNI developed and launched hundreds of channels, starting with MTV Europe in 1989. He worked on making MTV available in East Berlin and celebrated with Europe when the wall came down.

He and his team built a global operation that now includes over 172 locally programmed and operated TV channels outside the US in more than 162 countries in 33 languages, reaching a potential audience of two billion people, making MTVNI the largest networks in the world.

 

Bill Roedy exclusively demonstrates
the broadcasting mechanisms
of dish aerials

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Let’s now reflect about Bill Roedy’s thesis that the music channel MTV helped to tear down the German wall: Due to his quite aggressive strategy having MTV broadcasted via satelite without any encryption in order to conquer one country after the other, the people started to buy dish aerials all over the world with which they could receive and watch MTV for free. Once these dishes were installed the people were then also be able to get in touch with other countries’ news channels; with the interesting side effect that all news of the world were now bypassing unfiltered any government’s censorship.

Such new newsfeeds surely helped to build up a new sort of self-confidence helping unhappy earthlings to get rid of their totalitarian leadership figures in oh so many countries around the globe – and, of course, in East-Germany as well.

It is common sense that it was definitively MTV’s purest and highly genuine attractiveness that drove the people into buying tons of dish aerials. So, during this particular time frame MTV was the seed for the creation of that what is now considered to be a worldwide community.

On this photograph Bill Roedy exclusively demonstrates the broadcasting mechanisms of dish aerials and how their signals were crossing hurdles completely unharmed, such as the former German wall was one.

Finally, we can say that the experienced former commander of nothing less than three NATO Nuclear Missile bases in Italy significantly helped to change the world with something even the military was not aware of its tremedous long-term power: Music!

In 1998 Mr Roedy was named Ambassador for UNAIDS and he has addressed the UN General Assembly on several occasions regarding the pandemic.

He was a founding member and chair of the Global Business Coalition (GBC) on HIV/AIDS from 1999 to 2002, and currently serves as Chair of the Advisory Board. In 2005, UN Secretary General Kofi Annan appointed him founding chair of the Global Media AIDS Initiative Leadership Committee. Mary Robinson also appointed him as an Envoy for the Global Alliance for Vaccinations and Immunizations (GAVI) in 2010.

Also part of the audience: Michael Schirner.

 

Kofi A. Annan addresses Bill Roedy

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The United Nations Secretary-General Kofi A. Annan addresses in a speech: «Ten years ago in 2001, HIV/AIDS had been around for 20 years. 28.6 million people were infected with the virus, and many millions more had lost their lives.

It was then that I called on the world’s businesses to join together in the global fight against the virus. The Global Business Coalition on HIV/AIDS was formed, uniting the corporate sector, governments, and civil society in one common cause. MTV was one of the businesses at the forefront of the coalition, using its global network of channels to disseminate cutting-edge, entertaining, and innovative HIV messaging to young people worldwide. Under Bill’s leadership, HIV prevention and education was an integral part of MTV programming, and he was asked to serve as a Special Ambassador for UNAIDS in 1998.

As HIV statistics rose and fell in different countries and demographics over the years, young people accounted for over half of new infections almost every time, and still do today. In recognition of the media’s powerful role in reaching this affected group, the Global Media AIDS Initiative (GMAI) was established in 2005 to galvanise media organisations to play an even stronger role in prevention and education.

Bill was the first person I thought of to chair the leadership committee of this crucial initiative. His passion and dedication to the fight against HIV, particularly among the world’s young people, made him the perfect leader and pioneer for the GMAI. Under Bill’s chairmanship, it grew to include 140 companies from 70 countries.

As we approach the 30th year of AIDS, I cannot praise Bill enough for his continued dedication to the cause. Through the Staying Alive Campaign, countless young people are educated and informed through a medium that they trust and believe in. Further still, MTV has reached thousands of young people through the Staying Alive Foundation, ensuring that HIV prevention is tackled at a tangible, grass roots level in the local communities where it really matters.

Ist is an honour for me to lead our tribute to Bill today. I know there are many people from across the world that will have words of praise and admiration for Bill’s incredible achievements throughout his 22 years at MTV.

Thank you Bill for your tireless activism in the global fight against HIV/AIDS, and many congratulations on a long and successful career at MTV Networks International.»

 

Medals & Awards

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Before joining MTV in 1989, Bill Roedy was Vice President, Affiliate Operations Manager of HBO. He completed his Bachelors in Science at West Point and then served with the Airborne, Ranger and decorated combat service where he received the Bronze Star, Air Medal, Meritorious Service Medal and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry (with Silver Star). He also served as a commander of three NATO Nuclear Missile bases in Italy. He received his MBA at Harvard University.

In addition: He has received the International Emmy Founder’s Award, amfAR’s Award of Courage, Individual Business Leadership Award presented by US President Bill Clinton, Doctors of the World Leadership Award and the UN Correspondents Association Global Citizen of the Year Award presented by UN Secretary General Ban–Ki-Moon in 2009. He has given numerous commencement addresses with honorary doctorate degrees.

 

Global Media AIDS Initiative (GMAI)

The «Global Media AIDS Initiative» (GMAI) is an umbrella organization that unites and motivates media companies around the world to use their influence, resources, and creative talent to address AIDS. The GMAI creates a framework for sharing television and radio programming among media companies in order to increase public health messaging. The organization also educates journalists, editors and producers on how to cover the issue. HIV is preventable, and GMAI members aim to improve public awareness and knowledge to help stem the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Within the GMAI, there are five national and regional coalitions of media companies. As of July 2009, the media initiatives in Africa, Asia, Russia, Latin America and the Caribbean included over 300 member broadcasters total. The GMAI was conceived and organized by the Kaiser Family Foundation and UNAIDS with financial support from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the Ford Foundation and the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

Bill Roedy explains why he is passionate in the fight to end pneumonia, a preventable disease: «As a music lover and former CEO of MTV Networks International, I’ve spent decades trying to give voice to young people struggling for creative freedom. More recently though I’ve also taken to a new cause: the struggle of babies and children in poor countries just to survive.

Few people can even name the leading global killer of young children — it’s pneumonia — and it claims a child’s life every 20 seconds. Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of these deaths take place in the developing world where access to health prevention and care is sometimes complicated.

World Pneumonia Day (WPD), November 12, is an opportunity to remember those many young lives lost to pneumonia which could have been prevented in large part with vaccines, access to simple antibiotics and improved nutrition. If we could ensure that existing vaccines reach those children who need them most we would make a huge difference in preventing the more than 1.5 million young lives lost each year to this devastating disease.»

Go on reading here.

 

Q & A

Questions & Answers.

Berlin School of Creative Leadership’s President Michael Conrad listens to the questions.

Michael Conrad moderating Q & A.

After the official part of Bill Roedy’s president’s lecture, David Slocum discusses with members of the audience.

Susann Schronen.

After a long and very exhausting march through the jungle of creatively dried out lands (Berlin’s new wannabe airport) Michael Eibes, the Chairman of the German Designer’s Club’s (DDC) executive board, has now reached a refreshing and most lifesaving oasis that has also been provided with the unique capability of signing books.

In the center (f.l.t.r.): Susann Schronen, Jamshid Alamuti, Sheridan Johns and Marie Budde.

The «Ambassador of Striking Yellow» and also member of the German Designer’s Club’s (DDC) executive board, Niko Gültig, awaits his personally dedicated Widmung from Bill Roedy. Recommended music track: Yello’s «On Track».

Recommended music track: Crowded House’s «Four Fingers In One Day».

«Recognising a serious lack of green in this very same coloured image we both ourselves find us integrated, maybe you might like to consider starting your dedication with the creation of a green spot … possibly right here. Well, just a thought…»

Well, there is another way to describe Bill Roedy best – with the help of two of his tweets:

1) 10:51 AM – 15 May 2013:
«Had a great dinner with Barbara Bush and Mark Dybul in NY. And hearing about great work of both the Global Health Corps and Global Fund.»

2) 7:00 AM – 20 Jun 2013:
«Sitting in Finnegans sipping Guiness in Dalkey where Bono and Ali are having lunch with Michelle Obama. Ireland is as beautiful as ever!»

Bill Roedy’s Dedication

Two dedications waiting to be compared and interpreted. Above Bill Roedy recommends our copywriter Hamlet Hampster: «(…) Please Read this Book! (…)»

Sir John Hegarty’s Dedication

The famous creative Sir John Hegarty, however, recommended our copywriter Hamlet Hampster in July 2011: «DON’T READ THIS BOOK!»

What we are now asking ourselves is: What will happen when reading a book that – quite obviously – better should not be read; and not reading a book that cannot wait to be read? Honestly, we are a bit afraid of trying out… Are there any suggestions, out there?

With the visual impression of the formerly best known «Testbild» we not only say buy-buy but like to draw your attention to this «tent talk» with Bill Roedy and Michael Conrad:

Following this link you will be able to watch Bill Roedy’s complete President’s Lecture. So, be a happy sneaker – and just do it!

 

***Materials For Extended Discourse***
Sir John Hegarty’s President’s Lecture
Hartmut Ostrowski’s President’s Lecture
Peter Brabeck-Letmathe’s President’s Lecture
The Freitag-Brother’s President’s Lecture
Thomas Burrell’s President’s Lecture
Chuck Porter’s President’s Lecture

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Religious topic. Therefore comments off.
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Gelungener Architektenscherz (1)

19 Nov

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Sensitive topic. Therefore comments off.
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Berlin School of Creative Leadership: «Chuck Porter’s President’s Lecture»

1 Aug

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We first met Chuck Porter when he was staging as the Jury’s President of the German Art Director’s Club Awards in 2011. He was nothing but constantly illuminating creative minds until they were all blasted off irreversibly. We might like to provide those of our readers who are not that much involved into advertising business with a creative reference: The same way the UK enjoys being allowed to proudly pointing out that Bartle Bogle Hegarty (BBH) is a natural born British agency, the same way the US can refer to Crispin Porter Bogusky (CP+B) as an adequate counterpart concerning creative disciplines of any kind. Their campaigns are as striking as the ones from BBH and their virals are as viral as the stuff from The Viral Factory.

In fact, CP+B did one of the first and still most successful viral in advertising’s history: Burger King’s Subservient Chicken. Despite the circumstance that it is almost impossible to find an earthling who had never ever heard of it you are welcome to read here and here all about it.

We look out of the window at Franklinstrasse 15 and see a white swan with blue frozen feet. This does not happen very often but when it does, it is a very good evidence that somewhere quite in the near first-class-creativity is waiting to be transferred from one mastermind to a lot of other brains that are desperately eager to become one themselves.

Michael Conrad and Michael Schirner.

Michael Conrad welcomes Berlin School’s participants and guests…

and introduces Chuck Porter.

There he is: Chuck Porter joined the Crispin Agency in 1988 as Creative Director and Partner after a long career as an award-winning freelance copywriter. The agency was renamed Crispin & Porter, and within three years it had doubled in size and been named as one of the top 15 creative shops in the country.

Today, the agency has approximately 1,000 people, with offices in Miami, Boulder, Los Angeles, London and Gothenberg, Sweden. CP+B’s clients include Microsoft, Best Buy, KRAFT, Domino’s, and Old Navy. The agency has been profiled in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, BusinessWeek, Forbes, and Fast Company. In 2009, CP+B was named Agency of the Year by Advertising Age, Adweek and Creativity magazine and in 2010 was selected by Advertising Age as Agency of the Decade.

All Berlin School’s participants are about to stand up in order to show that they are Berlin School’s participants.

Chuck Porter in Forbes about «The most important thing you must do».

For example: testing the functionality of one’s own electrification. Scientific background: A human brain generates nearly 25 watts of power while you’re awake, which is enough to light up a light bulb. Caught here.

After slightly pushing the airbutton in order to temporarily extinguish his lightbrainbulb Captain Porter is now ready to take off. And so are all guests and participants as well.

In the beginning, as it seems, there was not only light but also a creative genius named David Ogilvy.

This is the place where David Ogilvy used to live at last. Chuck Porter says that in today’s world you have to start being creative on the financial side of advertising because some essential things (creative fees) have changed significantly. Well, but didn’t the Lord say that the way shall be our destination?

And when we look at the castle we have to admit that it is a nice destination: the grass-green-way. Ok, there is one little thing that caused so many changes in so many ways, and this one little thing is best known as computer, which might make it a bit harder to stick out of the mass. Nevertheless we strongly believe in the magic gap that still makes an extraordinary income structure possible – even for contemporary advertisers. A belief Chuck Porter is about to proof that it is justified.

Ha! There we go! And the magic gap has a name too: unexpectedness. By the milky way, this is Chuck Porter in Cannes about how to start a creative agency (Part I and Part II).

How to turn carrots …

into «Scarrots» and gain a tremendous business success. The main claim was «Carrots – Eat ‘em like junk food». This article tells you everything about this great and stunning campaign that contains also some quite thrilling POS-ideas!

The most efficient thing CP+B ever created was the Pizza Tracker for their client Domino’s Pizza, which lets customers track their pizza order at all stages of the delivery process, even down to which member of staff is dealing with it. A new feature of Domino’s Tracker is that consumers now have the chance to post their feedback.

During the hot phase of this campaign, Domino’s was posting online customer reviews – positive and negative – on a Times Square billboard, from July 25th until August 23rd 2011. Surely another Crispin, Porter + Bogusky’s great high-profile stunt for the brand. Do Domino’s customers gain self-confidence when consuming a product that has been created by a company that seems to be stuffed with it «bis unter die Halskrause» – as we say in Germany? It could be possible…

The president of Berlin School of Creative Leadership, Michael Conrad enjoys the great atmosphere during Chuck Porter’s President’s Lecture.

In 2001 Miami advertising agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky won a $100,000 grand prize from the Magazine Publishers of America’s Kelly Awards for its campaign to launch the Mini car. The Kelly Awards honour magazine campaigns that demonstrate creative excellence and effectiveness. They are named for Stephen E. Kelly, a former MPA president who devoted his career to magazine publishing. He promoted the concept that creative magazine advertising made the difference in sales results – a concept that became the guiding principle for the Kelly Awards. This is a non-print commercial entitled «‪Counterfeit Mini‬»:

And now, ehm räusper, just in case you are able to deal with all sorts and types of phonetic specialities coming along with the German language you are warmly welcome to get in touch with one of our very own MINI productions we once did without any assignment but stuffed with pure passion «bis unter die Halskrause» – as we say in Germany: A young couple sits in a MINI car kissing and kissing and kissing while a sophisticated poem coming out of the off interpreting what’s been happening on screen.

While providing some hair with a touch of digital blue we were hooked and thrilled by the idea that the process of intensive thinking will cool down human brains. We did some research on that and could not find any evidence that thinking in general is able to affect a brain’s temperature in any way. But wherever there is pain there is a smile as well. We found something else: Six Lazy Ways to Trick Your Brain Into Being Productive.

The tricks are: 1) Use Your Procrastination to Your Advantage; 2) Use Your Office Lighting and Temperature to Boost Productivity; 3) Take Your Work to a Coffee Shop; 4) Take a Nap; 5) Play Unfamiliar Music While You’re Working; and – about the sixth one we’re not really sure: 6) Look at Photos of Cute Baby Animals.

Michael Conrad thanks Chuck Porter for his great lecture.

Well, there were still a couple of questions desperately waiting to be answered. One was: «Bill Gates once said that he always chooses a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Is brilliant advertising based on lazy people’s work?» Chuck Porter’s answer was very diplomatic. Very much, indeed!

Regarding the fact that our holy beloved blog officially still remains in a temporarily frozen condition that shall be described best as «we’re on summer vacation», not all photographs do carry subtitles. We kindly ask you to forgive us. However, we think that the atmosphere all photographs do transport stands for itself.

Tassilo von Grolman.

Our Meerschweinchenreport’s copywriter-in-chief, Herr Hamlet Hamster, created a spontaneously written hymn entitled «A Way to Success in Winter’s Time» on Tassilo von Grolman’s new teapot creation «ellipse» for «mono»; after enjoying some portions of Japan Sencha, which was floating harmoniously over the serving top straight into the hungry stomach of a tea storing experienced mug while snow flakes were dancing so mindlessly under the roof of free nature, all that in order to encourage our copywriter-in-chief to create a spontaneously written hymn entitled «A Way to Success in Winter’s Time» on Tassilo von Grolman’s new teapot creation «ellipse» for «mono»; after enjoying some portions of Japan Sencha…; all that and best to our knowledge that putting one’s output on heavy rotation is surely one of the few successful keys to develop a greater public awareness.

Hans-Joachim «Bulle» Berndt and Michael Schirner.

Hans-Joachim «Bulle» Berndt and Susan Schronen.

Chuck Porter and Rafael Aparicio.

Michael Conrad and Michael Schirner.

Michael Conrad, Michael Schirner and Tassilo von Grolman.

Our photographer loves this elevator in particular and optical illusions in general. Optical illusion? Well, sort of …

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Here’s the Tent Talk between Michael Conrad and Chuck Porter:

 

***Materials For Extended Discourse***
Sir John Hegarty’s President’s Lecture
Hartmut Ostrowski’s President’s Lecture
Peter Brabeck-Letmathe’s President’s Lecture
The Freitag-Brother’s President’s Lecture
Thomas Burrell’s President’s Lecture
ADC’s Great Awarding Ceremony 2011

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Sensitive topic. Therefore comments off.
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Humboldt-Box

10 Jun

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Sensibles Thema. Deshalb keine Kommentarmöglichkeit.
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Hitlers dritte Zähne – ein Drehbuch

8 Feb

Hitlers 2. Zähne mit Motiven des Führers. Kam daher sein starker Mundgeruch? Brauchte er deshalb Prothesen?

(Als Sprecher des Textes kann ich mir sehr gut die Erzählstimme
aus dem Film „Der Schuh des Manitu“ vorstellen).

Baustelle in Berlin. Es ist Nacht. Man sieht Stiefel, Arbeitskeidung für Bauarbeiter, Schaufeln und Spitzhacken. Mehrer Männer sind mit Grabungsarbeiten beschäftigt. Konform mit dem Sprechertext finden sie dann ein schmuddeliges Einmachglas. Sie wischen den Dreck vom Glas, um das Etikett freizulegen. Die Aufschrift in geschwungener Schreibschrift: Hitlers dritte Zähne.

Sprecher
An einem Ort, wo Blut und Boden einst regierte,
eine Schreckensherrschaft quasi über Nacht
sich etablierte und alles inspizierte, konfiszierte,
was die Tyrannen diskriminierte; an diesem Orte
fand neulich eine Bautruppeskorte,
versenkt in tiefer Erde und sorgsam eingemacht
ein Glas – so wie ich’s hier erwähne,
und als Inhalt: Hitlers dritte Zähne!

Schnitt. Es werden nun Restaurationsarbeiten an den Zähnen gezeigt, die man im Anschluß daran im Einmachglas in einer Vitrine präsentiert. Schließlich werden sie von dort entwendet. Auch hier gehen die Bilder synchron mit dem Text.

Sprecher
Eine Sensation war dieser Fund,
die Welt stand Kopf, die Berichte bunt:
Zunächst hat man die Zähne restauriert
und hinter Glas museal präsentiert,
doch dann ist es passiert –
irgendwie haben sie sich subtrahiert.

Schnitt. Wir befinden uns nun im „Hauptquartier“ der Neonazis. Zunächst CU auf das Einmachglas. Die Kamera zieht langsam auf und entfernt sich vom Glas, bis in der Totalen die gesamte Truppe, so vier bis fünf Mann, zu sehen ist. Sie sitzen in geheimnisvoller Atmosphäre um den Tisch herum, auf dem mittig das Einmachglas steht, in dem sich Hitlers dritte Zähne befinden und magisch leuchten. Die Szene sollte Spiritualität und Esotherik auf der Basis von „guter, deutscher Hausmannskost“ vermitteln. Das Einmachglas orakelt.

Sprecher
Dieser Diebstahl läßt sich leicht ertragen und benoten,
doch was soll ich sagen, hier seht Ihr die Idioten,
die die Zähne klauten, bevor sie sich verhauten,
weil sie einer Idee vertrauten, von der sie glaubten,
binnen nächster Tage wie von Sinnen an Stärke zu gewinnen:

Anführer
(klingt wie Hitler)
Nun, manch’ einer hält uns für verrückt,
doch heute ist ein großer Sieg geglückt!
An des Führers Zahnprothesen:
daran muß und wird die Welt genesen.
Diese Zähne sind der Grundstein unserer Pläne,
die wir früher zwar knapp verfehlten
und doch sind und bleiben wir die Auserwählten.
So wird die Geschichte von uns erneut,
fleißig in den Grenzen von 1939 fest vertäut
als Festakt wiedergekäut – und zwar in Bayreuth.

Sprecher
Das erfreut natürlich, hm, einerseits.
Andererseits: Worin liegt denn hier der Reiz,
daß diese Knatschis, diese Neo-Nazis
die Qualen der Reisekosten in den Osten
nicht zahlen läßt. Fest steht nur:
sie stehen vor einem gigantisch großen Test.
Während sie so überlegen, wen sie verwegen
als nächstes verprügeln und vertrimmen
dringen plötzlich bedeutungsvolle Stimmen
von innen durch das Glas:

Einmachglas
Ob in Gläsern, Bechern oder Tassen,
ich bin nur Euer Vermittler,
denn der, dem meine Zähne passen,
wird der neue Hitler!

Zunächst ist man etwas rat- und fassungslos, doch dann wechselt die Stimmung, man gibt sich kampfbereit und siegessicher.

Sprecher
Windungen schmoren in jedem Gehirne:
Der letzte Biß in eine Birne mit eigenen Zähnen?
Knabbern an den Fingernägeln,
um den Zahnverlust zu regeln?
Hahah: Der Chef springt auf, greift sich an die Hoden,
ringt mit sich und spricht gereift:

Chef
Es gibt verschiedene Methoden!
Zwar haben die Dritten arg gelitten:
Hier, sie sind schon stark zerschlissen…
Doch ab 5:45 Uhr wird zurückgebissen!
Es geht um die Erfüllung unseres Traums,
um die Erweiterung des Lebensraums im Osten…

Truppenmitglied
Und was wird das kosten?

Chef
Unterbrich mich nicht, Du Schwachmat,
denn andernfalls hast Du den Salat –
nur ohne Kopf, Du Tropf!
Es geht um die Idee, um diesen anspruchsvollen Posten,
dafür müssen wir, und niemand kann dies ernsthalftlich bestreiten,
noch vergießt er eine Träne, denn das ist der Trend,
unsere zweiten Zähne konsequent vermosten.

Sprecher
Wohlan, laßt sie bloß nicht rosten!
Er macht seins, und ich, ich mach’ meins..

Schnitt. Bilder illustrieren nun passend zur Erzählung – oder umgekehrt.

Sprecher
So ist Methode eins: Das kippende Erlebnis,
mit erstklassigem Ergebnis!
Will sagen: dem ersten geht es an den Kragen,
denn er will was ganz Spezielles wagen.
In diesem System nehme man aus besseren Tagen
eine Führerstatue mit ausgestrecktem Gruß
als Grundlage für diesen Zahn-weg-Blues.
Hitler, der so beigesteuerte, wird adrett und nett,
quergelegt auf das blankgescheuerte Parkett.
Und nun, mit vorbezeichnetem Elan,
nebst ungeheurlichem Schmiss,
wirft sich der erste in den ausgestreckten Arm
mitsamt seinem Gebiß. Das ist durchaus gewagt,
denn es ragt des Führers grußgestärkter Griffel zum Hinterkopf hinaus.
Mit anderen Worten: für den ersten ist das Spiel schon aus!

Schnitt. Fette Faust schlägt in einem Neonazigesicht ein. Wenn die Faust wieder aus dem Gesicht rausgezogen wird, ist es völllig blau.

Sprecher
Die zweite Version ist kurz gehalten,
sie legt die Gestalten straight in Falten,
und zwar so blau wie beim Kobaltspalten:
Méthode deux: visage bleu!

Schnitt. Schlafzimmerszene mit Nazipärchen. Sie bestreicht ihm die Zähne mit nutella und verklebt seine Lippen mit einem Hakenkreuz aus Leukoplast geformt. Dann löscht sie das Licht. Am nächsten Morgen entfernt sie ihm den Klebeverband, während er mit errigiertem Penis unter der Bettdecke auf dem Rücken liegend, sehnsüchtig auf seinen Zahnverlust wartet. Sie drückt ihm recht resolut mit dem Daumen die Zahnleiste durch seinen verschlossenen Mund ein.

Sprecher
Die dritte Variante ist mittlerweile stark verbreiten,
sie arbeitet mit der Überzuckerungskonstante,
eine Spezialität, die GröFaZ übermannte,
als er die Farbe braun entsandte,
denn nach diesem Wesen sollte die Welt weltweit genesen.

Schnitt. Gruppe von Neonazis in der Küche versammelt. Einer sitzt angebunden auf einem Stuhl in der Mitte des Raumes. Aus seinem Mund hängen mehrere Nylonschnüre, die von den anderen gemeinsam an einem Türgriff befestigt werden.

Sprecher
Methode 4 arbeitet mit der Küchentür:
Jeder Zahn mit Nylon fest umschlungen,
mit dem Griff verknotet, ein kurzer Treuesong gesungen:

Nazichor
Wir sind die Nibelungen…

Schnitt: Vier Särge, die Neonazis beinhalten, sind aufgebahrt. Aus einem Sarg ragt weiterhin die ausgestreckte Führerhand.

Sprecher
Und die Tür ward zugeschwungen.
Resultat: Aktion gelungen!
Keiner von den Knaben hat noch Fragen,
denn sie verhungern nun mit leerem Magen,
weil: die dritten Laß-das-Kau
sind letztlich nicht so paßgenau.
Einst ein Ort von bitterer Gefahr,
ist nun die Luft so rein, so klar,
und weil dies so geschah
verfiel man der Idee, ein Klischee daraus zu formen,
um den Naziabgang vorzunormen.
Weil der Nazi weltweit wohnt, wird der Zahnersatz betont
millionenfach geklont und so thront das Glas
in jedem Land auf unserer Erde und verschrotet nun die Nazi-Herde.
Kurzer Hand wird es promotet, von Promis und auch VIPs,
wie hier vom Papst, der Hitlers Dritte segnet,
weil er möchte, daß es Zähne regnet.

Papst (Pius XII)
Seid fruchtbar, auf daß Ihr Euch vermehret
und des Nazis Leben so erschweret.

Sprecher
Bald im Land und auf der Welt
ist man wieder friedlich eingestellt.
Gelegentlich hört man‘s hier und dort noch etwas Lästern,
doch prinzipiell ist das Thema jetzt von gestern!
So laßt uns beginnen mit diesen Plänen
unter Zuhilfenahme von Hitlers dritten Zähnen.

© by Hamlet Hamster; hamster&james h.n.c.